Looking Back

 Bismillah.

I didn't enjoy 2020. It sucks.

We had a lot of expectation as the year came, but then it let us down. I wish I could say I'm okay with it, but truth to be told, I'm not. The pandemic ruined everything for us. I talked about this in another post. It's not the best thing that happened this year.

I was, at least, positive in that post. I said that it would be okay if we were in this together.

It doesn't make it less worst.

2020 is the year where we all have drawn/colored back then when we were kids, in a piece of paper, filled with illustration of flying cars and high-technology city. Growing up, I could see that flying cars are still far in the future, I'm guessing another four decades until we have one. I'll be around sixty at that time.

Even without the flying cars, I still hope that 2020 would be a great year. 

It's 2020, after all.

I never know what that means, and I guess it's even meaningless.

I am actually very anxious for the new year to come, because that means I would be turning a year older, faster than anyone else (my birthday is in January). It was quite exhilarating to know that, and it's also scary. I feel like nothing meaningful happened in 2020 and it feels like the time is passing by faster. And entering 2021, with the pandemic still happening, seems to make me think that it would not end. That the year will continue to be unmeaningful as I thought. And the same cycle would repeated for years until no one knows when.

I'm losing hope, yes.

It took me quite a time to reflect on any good things happen this year, except there's barely anything. At least, to me.

Except for one thing.

I found my passion in writing again. I joined creative writing class in my uni, and I had so much fun. I learned a lot. I managed to brush up my writing skills. I started to write more. I see potential. I see more job opportunities on the field. It was fun and satisfying.

Except for that, I couldn't think of anything else. 

Online classes has been horrific. I wish to not experience it ever again. I hope to return to my college life again. I lost a year, I wish I could have the rest before it ends.

What a gloomy reflection.

I hope for a better year for 2021. The pandemic won't magically disappear as the clock strikes 12 tonight, but I hope it would be better for everyone.

I feel bad because while I'm writing the above lines, I was not actually hoping. It was mostly a mumble and it has no spirits in it. No sprinkles of optimism.

 2021 shall bring more blessings and I want to believe that. 

Happy new year, everyone.